What Do You Do When You Get What You Want But Still Feel LETDOWN?

This is a question my older sister posed to me today, and it really made me think. We are both on this deep healing journey and have been under the culture and pressure to continue to achieve. To keep going and going and going. On to the next one.

You work super hard for something and then… You get it! Celebration music sounds, pictures are taken, bottles are popped, and gifts are unwrapped. The whirlwind of the experience wisps past .Twisted up and disoriented, life returns to normal.

What about the next days, weeks, or months that follow it? All that time, effort, and energy spent on that THING you were going for no longer is needed. The excitement of the shiny object is no longer there.

You are not alone. I have experienced this so many times. One of the first times was when I completed my Doctorate in Nursing Practice/AFTER I passed my ARNP board certification and more recently after I published my book.

The first milestones and accomplishments however were much less “clean”. What I mean by clean is that my intention of chasing that goal was derived from fear, lack of knowing myself, and chasing what I thought I was “supposed” to do. I was told by the influences and key players in my life that a degree that was stable, secure, and predictable would be the best for me. It would give me everything I wanted and I believed it. However, I quickly realized I had missed the mark. So the letdown and reality check I received when my pursuits did not bring my wildest dreams to light, stopped me in my tracks. Furthermore, it did not give me the confidence or respect that I thought I would get once I checked that damn box. So I slipped into a deep depression and the following letdown occurred. It was like a broken promise. I was devastated, to say the least.

I could not believe that I had gone after this goal for so long and how could it have fallen so short? I had also reached what is called a terminal degree, meaning that was as high as I could go unless I wanted to go to medical school or some other degree. So instead I decided I needed to get to know myself before I committed to any other lofty goals.

Sure I still achieved smaller goals along the way like running a half marathon, trying other jobs, and tackling my student debut, but I committed to no more bigger goals until I knew myself better. But finish line after finish line I still was falling flat after each touch point. What was wrong with me?

So, I decided to reacquaint myself with myself again. Everything from how I wanted to move my body, to the foods I liked, to the way I wanted to work, and the relationships I wanted all needed to be inspected. I went through the process of learning who I was before I made any other life-changing decisions.

It took me close to 5 years before I was ready to really dive into another project. At that time I had the dream of writing a book tucked deep in my psyche and had actually forgotten about it. Here is a whole podcast about how that happened, but I actually forgot I wanted to be a writer.

Through self-discovery, I recovered that forgotten dream, and then once I realized it, I knew I needed to make it a reality.

The rest is history.

Now fast forward to completing the book. I did it! Drums, symbols, and trumpets sound!

I will not disregard the accomplishment that publishing a book is. Yet even though my intentions were much more aligned… There was still that “let down”. Not that I was let down by the outcome of the book. But the energy letdown inevitably occurred after such a large sustained effort.

What was different this time though was that my base knowledge of myself had a solid foundation. I knew this letdown was normal, it was expected, and also was the final straw for me to detach from the achievement and appreciate the journey instead.

What I learned was I needed to allow myself to let down, emote, and exhale. I allowed myself to indulge, consume, and recover. Allow, Allow, Allow!

Because these large accomplishments take a lot of energy, you have to process them to complete the cycle. Much like the grieving process, it has to be lived through.

This is how I dealt with the overwhelm and letdown. Suspecting it was going to happen, I prepared.

1.) SAVOR THE MOMENT!

I make sure to capture the moment as long as possible. Celebrate and take pictures, make time for the fun, and be present during this time. Step back for just a moment and take in the event, look around, and smile at what you have done. One way I did this was to stack all my books up and take a picture with them. Because why not? I remember looking at all those books and thinking I needed to get them out ASAP but then remembering how I breezed past my last accomplishment and did not savor them.

2.) SAY NO TO ANYTHING EXTRA

Clear your schedule of ALL extra obligations and expectations. Your emotions are high and you will be much more tired but also simultaneously wired after the big event. Give yourself a week before and a week after to recover AT LEAST!!

3.) INDULGE IN WHAT YOU NEED

If you need extra support, get it. If you need extra time, prioritize it. If you need to veg out, luxuriate in it. I watched all of Bridgeton on Netflix to escape and rest to recover. Use your form of escapism. Yes consuming and escapism are ok. You will not stay there forever but being there after a long lofty achievement is TOTALLY ok and I want you to start expecting it. Factor it in, you deserve it.

4.) TRUST THE PROCESS

If you allow rest and go back to the basics of taking care of yourself, getting plenty of sleep, and take time away from people, your tank will start to fill again. I PROMISE but you have to let it fill up again. And remember, the lofter your goals are the more time you may need to take. Also, take into account that some people’s energy level is wired differently. Me as an INFJ in the Myers Briggs, an introvert, and a Manifester in Human Design, this works for me. FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.

5.) ALLOW INSPIRATION TO RETURN TO YOU ON ITS OWN TERMS

Inspiration will come back, it will. Trust it and allow it to come back when it is ready. You can not force this when it is not there. Or rather you can force it but it will fall flat and suck energy from your tank before it is recharged again.

6.) MOVE PAST ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND TOWARD THE GROWTH MINDSET

Accomplishments will always fall flat. They are the crescendo of the effort. They are totally necessary and valuable but as you level up what you once dreamt of will become part of your reality. It does not negate the thing you did but it is no longer part of your imagination. The real treat in life is to dream, learn, grow, adapt then rinse and repeat. The goals and accomplishments will come along with it all if you continue to fall in love with the growth mindset.

So as I finish up this year and approach the holiday season, for once I do not have a specific goal for the future. But I do have the desire to grow, learn, write, create, and repeat.